My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
