If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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