hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
They are going to name an STD after you.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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