theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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