...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
