we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I think my moral compass just broke
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
