just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
