Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
