Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
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