Porn is love you can see.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
