Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
