he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize