I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
