Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
