I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
