Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
