We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
