I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
