oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
