R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
a search helicopter?!
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Randomize
