some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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