My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I feel like abortions should bother me more
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
