I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
