I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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