I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You're so nebulous sometimes
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
