I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
don't judge my taste in strippers
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
