I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
