Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
