I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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