I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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