he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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