I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
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