definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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