i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
