I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
