She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
