He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
