i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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