True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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