No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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