1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Randomize
