a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
