Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My vagina just recognized that song.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
