He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You ruined the universe
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
