I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
