Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
