You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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