My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
