I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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