My sheets look like a crime scene.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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