I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
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