you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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