How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He did a backflip because drugs
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
