Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize