What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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