i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
