so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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