dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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