I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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