Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
