oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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