Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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