there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
