The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
