At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
