I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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