my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
