all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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