it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he puts the penis in happiness.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
