That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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