she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
