just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Reggie can tackle my bush.
she pinky promised me she was 18
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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