I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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