TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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