I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
